


My Salvation (My My)

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Brain Damage, Depression, F/M, Loneliness, M/M, Pepperstony - Freeform, Steve Rogers Feels, Stream of Consciousness, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 15:13:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8805784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There are many moments in Steve's life when he doesn't feel much like a superhero. But he definitely does not need saving from his Soulmates. Definitely not.





	

**Author's Note:**

> First fic, unbeta'd, be gentle. Did not turn out like I intended. That summary tho.

When Steve feels small despite towering over civilians, he punches bags. He also punches people. Well, he tries not to think about when he has to punch people. He tries not to punch the wrong people. He'd rather use his shield anyway.

 

-

Funny thing about that shield. He feels like he uses it more like a weapon than an actual shield. It doesn't always get to be a tool for defense. But who needs defense, right? If you don't let them get close enough you won't have to put up your shield.

 

-

Steve doesn't do useless. When the chips are down, he makes use. He likes to think that nothing really is useless. He could wring another use out of something dead that time forgot. It was strangely fitting.

 

\- 

 

There are many different kinds of love. There's the kind of love Steve's mother gave him, God rest her soul. There's the love of a loyal friend. That kind stings, in a cold way, when he thinks about it too much. Then there's passion and longing and romance. Thinking about it feels a little hollow. But It makes the name Steve was born with on his right shoulder itch. 

 

-

It only bothered Steve a tiny bit that the name in the center of his chest was only one word. Just a first name without a last. It never itched. In fact, it was a tad faded like an old scar.

 

-

 

As far as first impressions go, Steve wasn't sure what to make of the CEO of Stark Industries. At first. But given time, he determined that Virginia Potts was bright in many ways. She was fiercely intelligent, of course, but that smile she only gave Steve could light up all seventy floors of the building.

-

 

Steve always knew. Of course he knew, it was as clear as the name on his skin. But when she looked at him, she threw back her head and laughed for the first time, and said "Just call me Pepper already, Steve" he felt something click into place. Afterwards he still scratched at his shoulder when he was deep in thought, but it never really did itch again.

 

-

 

When they made love they both left with a bad taste in their mouths. It was too quick and too strange and Pepper was giving herself to someone else while Steve gave himself to her. She still loved a dead man. But that was alright. Steve could relate in his own way. He didn't know Tony Stark, but he knew his father. And he knew Peggy, and Bucky, and everyone else and they were all dead. Dead, dead, dead.

 

\- 

When Steve feels big he curls up and pretends he's small. He used to know what that was like. The funny thing is that when he was small he got by by pretending he was big. He's not so sure that it's worth it being the real thing.

 

-

Steve's first impression of SHIELD is that it stinks. Ha ha, no, not his shield, although there have been some instances where it has stunk too. But SHIELD has a familiar odor. It brings him back to dark places.

 

-

 

Steve was feeling extremely useless.

Being captured by the enemy was bad enough when you're supposed to be immune to this sort of thing. But when the enemy has another hostage that looks exactly like Tony Stark who, mind you, is supposed to be dead, things get complicated. Steve thinks immediately of Pepper, and then there is warmth buried under the adrenaline because he is thinking of Pepper and how he hasn't been there for her enough lately and how he should get her flowers or something and how can he be thinking of flowers at a time like this? 

Oh yes, perhaps it is because flowers would be the thing to get her when he tells her that her not-actually-dead Soulmate was a few feet away from him in an abandoned warehouse and pointedly ignoring him.

Well, ignoring would be the wrong word. He didn't seem to be able to focus is eyes on any one thing at the moment. Or speak. Or move.

Steve was suddenly very concerned. But being chained to the wall didn't seem to be lending anything...useful... to the situation.

He leaned over and whispered "...Stark?"

Nothing.

"Mr. Stark?"

...

Steve raised his voice to what was bordering on a whisper and a breathy yell and hissed, "Tony!"

Tony's eyes snapped to Steve and grunted in an aborted attempt at speech.

There was a sharp but almost pleasant pain right under Steve's skin, in the center of his chest.

Oh.

 

\- 

 

SHIELD had a foul aura about it, but without it, Steve supposed he and Tony would be dead.

 

-

 

Those flowers sounded like a very good idea, so Steve marched to Pepper with a bouquet of pink roses. Truthfully he didn't know if she'd like them. But he'd researched and wanted something that said "I miss you" or "It's been a while." Another thing he wasn't sure of, but it was worth a try. He hid them behind his back as he approached the doors. She knew he was coming, but maybe he could make the roses a surprise.

Once the security system determined that Steve wasn't a threat, the large doors started to open. Steve pulled the flowers out from behind his back.

But instead of Pepper standing there, it was Tony, fixing Steve with an intense stare. He looked a bit disheveled, but a hell of a lot better than the last time Steve saw him. Before Steve could open his mouth, Tony tugged the roses out of Steve's hands.

"Um" Steve managed.

Tony closed his eyes, pressed his face into the flowers and took a big sniff. Then he ripped apart the bouquet from it's wrappings and threw them on the ground. Not aggressively, but as if he just wanted to see them scatter.

"Hey!" Steve shouted, exasperated. He bent over and picked up the dirty flowers, some ripped and crushed a bit. When he looked up Tony was gone and Pepper had taken his place in the doorway.

"Steve" she breathed, her eyes a bit wet.

They embraced, and when they pulled away to look at each other Steve sheepishly held up the ruined roses.

"Oh!" Pepper gasped. She gingerly took them from Steve. "They're beautiful, Steve. Perfect."

 

-

"I don't have to stay. I mean, with everything that happened, if you need time to..." Steve trailed off, getting lost in the motion of Pepper stirring the cream into her coffee.

"Stay, Steve. you only just got here. I need you." Pepper touched her own name on Steve's shoulder. "Tony needs you too." She gave Steve a smile.

"Oh, you know...about that?" Steve scratched at his chest absentmindedly.

Pepper snorted. "He's got your name on his chest, Steve. Always has." 

Steve's ears did not turn pink. "Right."

Pepper suddenly looked very tired. "He's obviously not the same person he was before, though. I'll never get that person back." She looked into her coffee cup as if it had answers. "He hasn't said my name. He hasn't said anything to me."

 

\- 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

Steve feels like he hasn't loved in a long time. But maybe he could learn.

 

-

Steve feels like he's been lost in an unfamiliar world but is starting to build a home.

He feels it in the way he fastens the clasp of Pepper's necklace. How she always waits for him to come home, no matter where he goes. How he trusts her. How he stands back and watches her go. Winds her up and watches her work work work because she always knows what the hell she's doing. That's a constant.

 

-

 

Home is where the heart is. Well, Tony has a lot of heart. Steve kind of envies that. Even though the holes in his own heart have been filling up one by one Steve can't shake the hollow feeling like ice, not like ice, that creeps it's tendrils out from his heart to his brain. But he can see Tony's heart in his big eyes, and Tony can say things without saying them. When Tony wanders into the room and stands behind Pepper while she's at her desk and on the phone and her mind is scattered around the globe and pats her shoulders three times and whispers "Pep Pep Pep" and starts undoing her ponytail just to try to put it up again Steve thinks Tony couldn't be screaming any louder.

 

-

In the middle of the night when Steve holds his Soulmate it is dark but her red hair still shows itself off. Red is the perfect color for her. And Pepper is a fitting name. It doesn't have to be on her birth certificate. It's on his shoulder. 

 

-

Steve's name is something special when it comes out of Tony's mouth. When Steve goes too fast, not just for Tony but for himself, the words tumbling out so fast his brain can't keep up and he thinks he might trip over them, Tony grabs his sleeve and says his name, but if it were written it would be something like "Saaahv." Or maybe with an "f" instead of a "v". Steve's name on Tony's chest, however, looks like it always does. Steve's almost disappointed. Oh well. That just means not even Tony's Soulmark says it like Tony does. 

\- 

 

When Steve feels small he lets his Soulmates sleep with their heads leaning against his shoulders. When he realizes that he can not only carry his own weight but their's too he feels a lot bigger. But if his head enters the clouds they can always pull him back down. After all, they're the only ones he can let his shield down for. They saved him when he couldn't even admit that he needed saving.

He's going to need a lot more roses.


End file.
